Earlier this year I read The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. It was the first time I had allowed myself to think that I could feel good most of the time, if not all the time. That I didn't have to counter the good in my life with bad. That I was worthy of feeling healthy, love, and success.
There are things in my life that I know if I do them, I will be able to live better. I will feel better. I will create better work. I will be more present with those I am with. These are basic things, like eating in a way that helps my body to feel excellent. Like getting the sleep my body is asking for. Like meditating. Like stopping to ask myself what is the thing I need to do right now. And then doing it.
But so often I find myself, just when I have hit the point of functioning well and of feeling amazing, that I will deprive myself of sleep by watching TV later than I want to, or eating a stack of rubbish food.
Like right now, I know that thing I need to do after writing this post is to listen to and edit a podcast. But, and I smile as I write this, I know that I am going to want to walk to the pantry and look for food, or find out about who Carlton is going to draft this year.
I am trying to remember what Gay Hendricks would say about this. There is something about my podcast that worries me. I am afraid of listening to it for the first time, especially as this is my first interview. Part of my never wants to interview anybody again.
Time to lean into this discomfort. I know the podcast is something I am yearning to create and get better at. It is the thing I need to do now.