When the band takes over

I am in Hobart at the moment and this morning was on my way to MONA by way of a yatch. I overheard a musician talks Ng to her friend about the first time a whole band had played songs she had previously only written and played by herself.

She said how exciting it was hearing what each band member brought to the song, the nuance they brought to expressing their take on the feeling of the music and lyrics. It became bigger and better than her solo act, and bigger and better than any of them by themselves. 

This has been my experience with a business idea I have had. For two years I played with it by myself, and then eventually started talking to others about it. I now have a business that will be launching in 6 months, it has 3 other founders, and the texture and richness of the business is way bigger and better than me, and way bigger and better than any of us could have made it by ourselves.  

I liked playing in a band. I have always enjoyed team sports. And now I get to experience that same vibe in a business I am helping to create. I am so grateful. 

It hits me sometime on Sunday evening

I have my two sons for one week out of every two. I drop them off to their mum's house on Sunday afternoon. Sometime between dropping them off and going to sleep it hits me. The realisation of how much I love them. How much I miss them. How I have let them down in the week preceding, not given them all that they could have had from me, not being as present as I want to be with them.

Sometimes I start to feel this as soon as I drop them off, if not before. Sometimes it hits me as I am washing their sheets later in the evening. Sometimes it is when I am picking up one of the paintings or drawings they have made while they have been here.

It is like I can feel their little hearts breaking. I see their faces, and I want them to know that I love them so much. That I want to be with them all the time. That I am sorry. It is not their fault.

Perhaps they are okay. Perhaps I see myself in them. A little boy whose heart is breaking. Who feels all alone every second Sunday evening. Lonely, and alone.