There are moments when I am simply waiting. I want something to happen so badly. I want somebody to reply to my text message. I want hear that the projects I have been working on are progressing. That something is happening. I am moving towards my goals.

Tonight is one of those nights. And as I sit here, impatiently, I start to wonder what I am actually wanting. Is it simply for somebody to tell me that things are okay? That my plans are coming to pass? Or is is loneliness? That I want to feel part of something, and like somebody is listening to what I have to say?

I don't think either of those two desires are necessarily bad, and I think I am looking for both of them. I want to move steadily towards my goals. And I want to share the journey with others, and have them respond when I reach out to them.

There is something else I can be at times like this. In not hearing from them, in not getting some feedback that I am moving towards my goals, nothing in my life is actually different tonight. My goals are not going to progress. I will hear from these people in time. It is patient that I can be. It is simply being in this moment, and not doing, that I can be.

Doing nothing can be such a hard thing. Wisdom is knowing when to act, and doing it, and when to be patient, and pause.

Tonight, for me, it is time to pause.

Leaving me hanging

One of my pet annoyances right now is when people leave me hanging. Its those times when I am trying to organise something with somebody else, they say they will get back to me, and then don't get back to me until right before the time we were scheduled to do something.

This is annoying for obvious reasons - I have put things on hold to do something with them, and if they cancel at the last minute I have often missed the opportunity to do something else.

I'm not quite sure what to do about this yet. It sometimes has its benefits in that a late cancellation can free up time I didn't think I was going to have. But when it involves my kids, and I have set expectations with them about some kind of activity or play date, it becomes hard to explain why we can no longer do that thing.

I think that a one-off occurrence is forgivable. People are doing their best amongst competing agendas. But for repeat offenders I have three options: put up with it; say something about it; or stop organising things with that person.

For the time being I am putting up with it.