Wanting to run, but managing to stay

There comes a moment at an event or gathering with a group of people whom I do not know that well where I want to leave. I start to feel some social fatigue, I feel like I am starting to be boring and have nothing to say, and I want to run and get out of there as fast as I can. 

Yesterday and last night I had a number of those moments. I am participating at Purpose conference with a bunch of people who are my tribe, and whom I am still getting to know. After spending the day with them, and eating with them, I began to get that quickening that I wanted out, and I wanted out now. 

Somehow I managed to sit in that feeling instead of running from it, and what unfolded was pretty amazing. I met my brother from another mother in Sydney, a man who could also be the grown up version of my son, and potentially somebody I could work with this year. Sitting in the social unrest for a short period of time led to an fantastic social moment.  

I don't think that every time I get the sense I want to leave that I need to stay. Sometimes my being needs rest, and sometimes the place is not right for me. I am starting to pick up on my own subtleties and nuanced feelings about when it is time to leave, and when it is time to lean in.  

The Niggle that is the Hint of Amazing

Through my personal crisis of the last year, one of the great benefits has been the way I have been able to reconnect with my friends. They have listened to me, supported me, offered wise council. In short, I am not sure I would have got through it without them. Sometimes the grief and pain has been so overwhelming that the only thing I could do was to call one of them and cry.

I had dinner with two of my best friends last night. We talked footy and I told stories about my latest adventures and experiments in being a part time single man/part time single dad.

At the end of the night one of my friends and I ended up at a bar for a night cap, and we finally got around to talking about him. Its funny, but in me being open hearted about my journey and pain, it has created space for some of my friends to do the same.

This particular friend is certainly not in a lot of pain at the moment, his life is actually pretty good. But he is stating to have a sense that something is not quite all it could be. A niggle. A niggle that is telling him he needs to take a moment to reflect; a day off work to ponder his life, by himself. He is starting to think about legacy, about his health, about how he is a great all-rounder but not excelling at anything, about not really knowing what he likes and what he cares about.

Before a moment of crisis forced me to take action, these were many of the same thoughts that went through my head. I needed a crisis to act on that niggle. The result of acting has been nothing short of amazing. I wake up every day not knowing what adventures will unfold. I wake up excited. I hope my friend can find a way to start acting on his niggle before a crisis forces him to.