No going back

When I am in a rut, or going through the thrash, I often find myself thinking 'I need to find a way to get back to where I used to be'. Nostalgia of an earlier time, when I meditated with more depth, was fitter and happier, and felt more connect to others, come flooding into my memory.

As I hit these inevitable periods where my life seems to be shaken up, I am starting to learn that they are a necessary part of my growth. There is no going back; there is only going through, and going forward. 

The thrash I am working through now is not because I need to return to old times and routines. They were for an earlier period in my life, and enabled me to get to this point of greater awareness and challenge. The thrash I am working through now represents something new, something that needs its own courage and patience and routines. 

A while moving forward is important, I am encouraged when I look back to see that I have hit these periods of thrash before. That I have survived. That they did not last forever. And that I came out stronger on the other side.

Of goats and monkeys

Who can wait quietly while the mud settles? 

Who can remain still until the moment of action? 

-- Lao Tsu

My sister-in-law told me that after this year being the year of the Goat, a year of grazing and reflecting, the animal for the next Chinese Zodiac Year is the Monkey, a year of action. 

This fits in well with the words I have chosen retrospectively to frame 2015, and progressively 2016: Still, and Move.  

2015 has been a year of stopping pretty much everything: work, relationships, distraction. It was triggered by a moment of crisis, and I am so grateful that I chose to do less, rather than go even harder which seems to be the conventional wisdom of my culture. Actually, it is being quite generous to myself to say that I chose to stop. The reality is my body would not let me do anything else but. 

And now that I have stopped, I am ready to start moving again. 2016 will be my year of moving, in ways I can and cannot foresee. I will be creating a new business, I will be getting my body sorted, I will be starting new relationships.

This is not to say stillness wont continue to be important to incorporate into my days and year. In fact it will ensure my movement is aligned and purposeful, and not solely because I have it as my word for the year.