I'm not busy

I feel a sense of guilt about this: I'm not busy. I have time each day where I wonder what to do next. I am at a stage of waiting for some wheels to turn, for seasons to change, for people to make up their minds, and there is nothing I can actually do to speed up the process. Hence I am not busy. 

Given I am not earning any income at the moment this does cause me some angst. I want to speed this up. I feel impatient. I want to be busy.  

As I notice this I play a thought experiment with myself. If I knew that in three weeks time the things I have been waiting for would materialise, how would that change the way I feel in this moment? 

I think I would enjoy this luxury of not being busy, of having time to spend with those I love, to dabble in musings.

Therefore unless there is an action that makes sense to me right now, that would help bring these things into being, I will make the most and enjoy being unbusy. 

Waste not, want not

'Waste not, want not', my Nanna used to say. She would finish with, 'When you see a waste, put your arm around it.'

Its funny how the sayings of my grandparents and parents have stuck with me, and continue to influence the actions and habits of my daily life. For example, I have a lot of trouble throwing out food, or leaving food on my plate. I feel like it is a waste to do so, regardless of how full I am feeling, regardless of whether the food is nutritions for me, or whether it may be slightly off.

What I am starting to realise is that there is a different kind of waste implicit in avoiding the waste my Nanna wanted me to avoid. And it is that in always finishing everything on my plate and never throwing away food that is not good for me, I am increasing the size of the very waist that she was encouraging me to put an arm around.

Yesterday I threw out a bunch of old almonds and brazil nuts that I was fooled into buying cheaply at a shop that was closing down. I have started leaving food on my plate when I realise I am full. And I turf out food from my pantry that I know I am never going to eat.

And as I result I waste less time in exercise, less time feeling bad for how I look, and less time gazing at food items in my pantry that I have no desire to ever use.

Time for some reinvention of an old saying.