I grew up in a Pentecostal church which bordered on being a cult. There was so much going on in that place that it look me years afterwards to sort between reality and fantasy, through awareness and delusion.
An underlying presumption was that you had to work out what God's plan for you was, and that if you didn't you were destined to be unhappy. Another was the idea that you were born bad, that you were sinful and guilty, and that only Jesus could make you whole.
These two ideas in particular perplexed me, and also had a profound impact on my life. The meaning of my life was hidden behind strange practices and ideas.
I find it ironic now that I am coming back to some sense of spirituality, even embracing some of my Christian heritage, albeit from a completely different angle. I am reconnecting with my inner self, and allowing that to guide me on a daily basis. I understand that I have the agency to respond to life's circumstances as they arise, to create meaning (or live my life's plan if you will) on a moment by moment basis.
I also know that there is the capacity within me for great harm, and also for great love and joy and overcoming. I am given the responsibility and freedom to choose how I respond, and it is not dependant upon another or an external force.
This is one of the most exciting times in my life to this point. For the first time perhaps I am seeing life as it actually is, not wishing something to be there that is not, or turning away from what I know is there.