Bias

I watched football with a friend last night. His team was playing. His team has been so good lately that I find myself on the side of whatever team they are playing against.

What was fascinating to observe was the bias he had for his team against the other team. This is not doubt not surprising, but funnily I am actually surprised when I see it played out so starkly. My smart, aware friend had a strong bias, a bias he seems to have chosen and enjoy.

My hypothesis is that this happens in other areas of our lives as well. That we choose to be biased towards or against something, or as Julius Caesar said 'Men (people) willingly believe what they wish'.

If this is true, I think we are doing something that is against our own interest. It will make us feel good for a period of time, like we are right and others are wrong. Like we are on the right track. But reality will eventually take hold.

Better to look at things with eyes open, without bias, trying to perceive reality as it is, no matter what discomfort it brings. Because as we do this we can make decisions based on the way things are, not the way we want them to be.

No comparison

I remember growing up thinking that I wanted to do better than others. I wanted to achieve more than my dad did.

Now that I have kids of my own, I realise there is nothing more that I want than for my kids to achieve more than me. And my idea of achievement has shifted so much that it is nothing like what I used to imaging achieving when I was a kid.

Achievement for me now means something more along the lines of the awareness to know myself and listen to myself, awareness of the reality of the context of my existence, the courage to live according to the truth I understand from this awareness, and the skills to put this courage into practise.

There is no competition. We are all on a path that is bound to the path of those around us. We are all here to help each other grow and achieve. I thank my dad for helping me the way he has. I enjoy nothing more than helping my kids on their own path.

Casual Sexism

A growing awareness I have is that amount of casual sexism that exists in my language. I am not sure what prompted this, but it has come to my attention with more regularity the number of times I use a masculine word or phrase when it is not particular needed.

I think this kind of unconscious sexism is prevalent in our culture. I posted a picture on Facebook over the weekend of a pedestrian crossing that has a graphic of a walking green women instead of a walking green man. Why is it that all the graphics are men? 

These kinds of changes bring to light how tilted towards the masculine so many things are. It seems to me that there are some fantastic change being made in Australia, like the introduction of women's teams into the AFL and other sporting codes. I am sure there are many more ways that as a society we are unaware of 

Other things I ask myself include: Why are most movies dominated by male characters? Why are the children's books I read to my kids dominated by males, whether they be human or animal?

Hopefully in 20 years time when we look back these kind of things will be a source of embarrassment due to how far we have progressed.

This time with with awareness

I am on the footy field. I am 15 years old and I play for Research, the perennial strugglers who never seem to win a game. 

It is the last quarter and we are are close as we have ever been to a top team - 24 points down. Something comes over me. I start firing-up my teammates. Calling them by name. Telling them that we can do this. To believe. To find that extra bit of effort that hides behind their fear.

The ball is launched into the air by the umpire, our ruckman taps it in my direction. I gather, arch my back as I evade the lunging hand of the opposition, sprint away and launch a massive kick into our forward line. I feel elated and expressive and that I am being who I am, totally unencumbered, living in the moment.

I am in a meeting room. I am 22 years old, and I work at PWC, the consulting firm who only employ the best of the best and who win at everything.

The project is not going well, but the client doesn't know it. I know there is something to be said. I know that it will not be popular. It will be better for the client, and in the end better for PWC. And certainly better for myself. I know we can work together to make it happen. But I don't talk. I sit and nod. I comply with my manager.

I return to my desk slowly. I have a strange sad feeling about me. I feel constrained, repressed and like I am living within myself. I look around at my team mates. They look drained. Unhealthy. Well-paid and unhappy.

I am in my home. I am 38. I sit at my desk to type of blog post about what is going on for me in this moment. It is not always pretty or coherent. It is not earning me the big bucks. I feel energised and awake and liberated.

It has taken me 16 years; I am now doing with consciousness what I was, as a 15 year old, doing spontaneously.

Where am I rushing to be anyway?

I am walking along a footpath and get to the traffic lights. There is a graphic of a red person telling me that it is not my time to cross the road. I feel agitated. I look up and down the road impatiently. No cars. I hurry across, feeling a sense of guilt at being naughty and elation at saving myself 20 seconds. 

I get a bit further down the road and I think, saved myself 20 seconds of what? Of waiting time? Of time to stop and think? Where am I hoping to be 20 seconds faster? At the shop? On my couch? In front of my TV?

I start to wonder why I feel like I need to be just a bit faster than what the world seems to be allowing me to be. Because if I really needed the 20 seconds I saved to make all the difference in my day, then I have some larger questions that need asking and answering. 

The answer is not clear to me, but as I ponder this thought I notice all the small ways I rush: cutting the vegetables; folding the clothes; typing the blog. Something inside me does not want to accept some of these moments as they are.  

My task is to notice the times I am rushing, and to deliberately take a deep breath and go slow. And to observe the results. 

Wanting to run, but managing to stay

There comes a moment at an event or gathering with a group of people whom I do not know that well where I want to leave. I start to feel some social fatigue, I feel like I am starting to be boring and have nothing to say, and I want to run and get out of there as fast as I can. 

Yesterday and last night I had a number of those moments. I am participating at Purpose conference with a bunch of people who are my tribe, and whom I am still getting to know. After spending the day with them, and eating with them, I began to get that quickening that I wanted out, and I wanted out now. 

Somehow I managed to sit in that feeling instead of running from it, and what unfolded was pretty amazing. I met my brother from another mother in Sydney, a man who could also be the grown up version of my son, and potentially somebody I could work with this year. Sitting in the social unrest for a short period of time led to an fantastic social moment.  

I don't think that every time I get the sense I want to leave that I need to stay. Sometimes my being needs rest, and sometimes the place is not right for me. I am starting to pick up on my own subtleties and nuanced feelings about when it is time to leave, and when it is time to lean in.  

Courage is saying no to your only option

Although it can be stressful to decide between two options, your courage and conviction is really tested when you only have one option, and you know you need to so 'no' to it.

Whether it be a job, a relationship, or an event, and something inside you is telling you it is not quite right for you, it is still overwhelmingly tempting to say 'yes' to it when there is nothing else on offer.

I think that if we are able to say no at these moments we create space in our lives for things that are aligned with who we are.

I have done this recently with my job. I knew that it wasn't right for me, however I continued to use it as a security because I was afraid of not having another option ready to go. Once I backed myself to say no, my perspective changed and opened my eyes to some other opportunities around me.

I don't yet know how the story ends, but I feel like the story is now alive rather than being on life support.