Alignment and flow

I have been wondering for a few months about where to live. There were a few things I wanted: outdoor space for my kids; low rent; and close to school and work.

I have found a place to live that meets the first two criteria, but not the last two. I am going to move there in a little while as it feels like the right time and place. It feels like moving their is going with the flow and is aligned with what I want to do.

I am curious to see what happens with the other two criteria, being close to school and work. Will I end up moving again soon? Will the school and work move closer to where I live? Will I no longer care about being close to work and school?

One move at a time. The next move will take care of itself.

Laundry List Item 13: You really don't control anything

I struggle with the 'anything' part of this laundry list. It appears there are things I do have control over. Like my movement, my thoughts, my words.

Perhaps what it means is that although there are things I can control in my own sphere, in the context of my relationships with other people, in the context of my country, my planet and the universe, there isn't anything I really control.

My take-away from this is that I do my best to be aware, to consider, to make good decisions, to act. And then if things don't really go my way, there is no use getting upset or tied up about it. I have done all I can - there are so many massive movements outside of my control that it is of great benefit to me to be more like water flowing around a rock, and less like the rock.

There are no big roles to play

It might seem like we have a big role to play in this life. It is probably something we have all wanted at some point, to play a major role is this great drama, to be the one to make a difference and admired by many.

I have a suspicion though that there are no big roles to play. That all the roles are small roles. This means that we are not dependant upon a few doing their bit. We are dependant upon us all doing our bit.

This exalts rather than diminishes the importance of each person playing the small role they have been given. Without each person playing their small role, the emergent properties of all these roles put together would be different and not as whole. 

The more we are comfortable with the role we are called to play, and to play it with wholeheartedness, the better life will be for all of us.

I get worried that I am going to feel like this forever

In those moments when I am low on energy, feeling sad, and not sure what to do next, the worst thing is thinking that I am never going to have energy again, feel happy again, but sure of my next move again.

Of course, this is rubbish. I have been unhappy before, and moved through it. I have been low on energy before, and then regained energy.

The word 'Anicha' comes to mind. This too will pass. Impermanence. 

Therefore I will allow my body to feel and process what it needs to process in this moment. Without turning my attention away from it. Without wishing I was already through it. Rolling with the low energy and sadness and uncertainty. Compassion and gentleness with myself. Believing that there is a higher intelligence in my being that knows what it needs, and is ensuring it gets it.