All of me

I was at a book launch last night for Mykel Dixon's Do 50somthing.

Myke promised that it would be more than a book launch, and it was. I don't quite know how to describe it - it was part cocktail party, part open mic, and part a poking at our collective creative calling.

One of the things he said last night really rang true - it was that the world needs all of me. And that is true for everyone of us - the world needs each of us to bring all that we have, even those bits we kinda think are awkward and shameful. To show up as we are, expressing and revealing.

I was so challenged by his words that I found myself taking to the stage when he left the mic open for people to say what they wanted. With my heart pounding and with no plan of what I was going to talk about, I found myself in front of 100 people and a couple of spot lights. 

But somehow, being out of my head and connected to the emotion and feeling of what I wanted to share, the words eloquently came out, and a story flowed. I loved being up there. I loved the theatre of it. I loved revealing myself.

I am now challenged to follow-up on what I think I need to do. Myke's book is about doing something, making something every day for 50 days. He wrote his book in 50 days, and through it is encouraging all of us to create and put things out there for the world to revel in.

I think I need to speak. In public. Every day for the next 50 days. In my head this is showing up on street corners and soap boxes, expressing what ever it is inside me that needs to be expressed. I am petrified by this idea. I may just have to do it.

Those moments at a party

Its party season, but I find that I am not absolutely loving the parties I am going to. One part of this is that I am showing up to parties where I don't really know anybody. I am putting myself out there, into awkward situations, to see how I will go.

And I don't always go that well. The moment I find hardest at a party is transitioning into a conversation I have not been part of. I may have finished speaking to one person  (another moment I previously found awkward was the ending of a conversation) and am now ready and wanting to join in and meet some other people. 

What seems to happen though is that I end up in this weird state of indecisiveness, not sure if it is okay to break into an already talking group of 2 or 3 or 4, not sure if I want to talk with those people or they want to talk with me, and I end up looking like some hovering weird stalker moving around the party.

My answer is to create a formula for getting through these situations. Something I can refer to in those moments where my stress levels are fuzzing out my courage and clarity of thought.

I find woop to be a useful way of coming up with these formulas:

Wish: When I am at a party, I want to confidently walk up to people I don't know and who are talking in a group, and introduce myself and join the conversation

Outcome: I meet more people, I enjoy the party more, and I feel happier 

Obstacle: I fear being rejected by the group. I fear creating an awkward moment. I fear that I am not worthy of entering a conversation.

Plan: In that moment when I feel that I may be rejected by the group, I will feel that fear, and remind myself that this can be part of my rejection experiment, and that I am worthy and enough just as I am. I will take a deep breath, summon my strength, and walk towards a group with my head high and a smile.