Its party season, but I find that I am not absolutely loving the parties I am going to. One part of this is that I am showing up to parties where I don't really know anybody. I am putting myself out there, into awkward situations, to see how I will go.
And I don't always go that well. The moment I find hardest at a party is transitioning into a conversation I have not been part of. I may have finished speaking to one person (another moment I previously found awkward was the ending of a conversation) and am now ready and wanting to join in and meet some other people.
What seems to happen though is that I end up in this weird state of indecisiveness, not sure if it is okay to break into an already talking group of 2 or 3 or 4, not sure if I want to talk with those people or they want to talk with me, and I end up looking like some hovering weird stalker moving around the party.
My answer is to create a formula for getting through these situations. Something I can refer to in those moments where my stress levels are fuzzing out my courage and clarity of thought.
I find woop to be a useful way of coming up with these formulas:
Wish: When I am at a party, I want to confidently walk up to people I don't know and who are talking in a group, and introduce myself and join the conversation
Outcome: I meet more people, I enjoy the party more, and I feel happier
Obstacle: I fear being rejected by the group. I fear creating an awkward moment. I fear that I am not worthy of entering a conversation.
Plan: In that moment when I feel that I may be rejected by the group, I will feel that fear, and remind myself that this can be part of my rejection experiment, and that I am worthy and enough just as I am. I will take a deep breath, summon my strength, and walk towards a group with my head high and a smile.