Let's pretend

Last night I made a decision. The decision was to live as if I felt amazing. As if I was feeling like I had all I wanted right now in this moment. To live the way I would live if all those things that have been playing on my mind did not matter.

I know the effects of this decision are currently very early on in their life, but I think there is something in it. I want to see if I can sustain it, and come back to it when I stop doing this.

And this is how I want to live:

• I want to get up at 5am each morning, meditate, read a book, move, shower, have breakfast, write a blog post, all before 7:30.
• I then want to work during the morning on creativity-intensive, solo activities, like editing podcasts, writing, planning
• At lunch I want to exercise
• After lunch I want to spend my time on more socially oriented work activities, or reading books.
• At night I want to eat with other people, and potentially socialise with friends or family
• I want to be in bed before 9pm so I can get 8 hours sleep and be up at 5am.

There are some things missing from my life. But really they amount to this: I am not getting a steady income. This is partly my choice because I have been on a gap year. But while I am waiting for this to happen, I don't want to idly wait. I will live the way I would want to be living if that income was actually appearing in my bank account.

Writing Fling #2: Awareness and Action

The second in a series of pieces I wrote in the midst of turmoil last year.

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Let it out. Open the suitcase. Find out what is in there. You cannot change the contents. They are what they are. Looking brings light to the unknown. Once it is seen and know, then you can decide what to do. Without the light there is only guessing, and bad guessing leads to ignorant action.

Knowing what is there may bring fear, discomfort, pain, joy, laughter. It will bring truth though. And it will set you free.

Because it is the way to live - according to what is real; reality. That is the way to good decision making, aligned action. 

Aligned with what?

With nature, the universe, my body. Integrity is the key world. A cohesive whole. Pure. Making sense. Ringing true. Radiating.

Listening to the conscience is opening the suitcase. Aligned action can be taken once the conscience is understood. But it is not necessitated by it. Acting is different to looking, and takes a different type of courage. The courage to trust what you see and hear. To back yourself. To know that it will be okay if you follow your path.

Okay then...what does following your path mean?

It does not mean safe. It does not mean risk. It means acting within yourself; you will be at peace. A peaceful warrior.

I know it is the action I am struggling with at the moment. Feeling okay with disappointing people. Let them down gently, but let them down if that is the aligned action. Let them feel it. Don't butt in and save them. It is not saving. It is denying. And both will suffer as a result. 

Do the thing that needs to be done.

The Niggle that is the Hint of Amazing

Through my personal crisis of the last year, one of the great benefits has been the way I have been able to reconnect with my friends. They have listened to me, supported me, offered wise council. In short, I am not sure I would have got through it without them. Sometimes the grief and pain has been so overwhelming that the only thing I could do was to call one of them and cry.

I had dinner with two of my best friends last night. We talked footy and I told stories about my latest adventures and experiments in being a part time single man/part time single dad.

At the end of the night one of my friends and I ended up at a bar for a night cap, and we finally got around to talking about him. Its funny, but in me being open hearted about my journey and pain, it has created space for some of my friends to do the same.

This particular friend is certainly not in a lot of pain at the moment, his life is actually pretty good. But he is stating to have a sense that something is not quite all it could be. A niggle. A niggle that is telling him he needs to take a moment to reflect; a day off work to ponder his life, by himself. He is starting to think about legacy, about his health, about how he is a great all-rounder but not excelling at anything, about not really knowing what he likes and what he cares about.

Before a moment of crisis forced me to take action, these were many of the same thoughts that went through my head. I needed a crisis to act on that niggle. The result of acting has been nothing short of amazing. I wake up every day not knowing what adventures will unfold. I wake up excited. I hope my friend can find a way to start acting on his niggle before a crisis forces him to.