Contingency

I love the concept of contingency, which I recently have understood in its full richness. 

I am in the process of redeeming many of the words I first learnt in the context of IT consulting, and hence much meaning and beauty were taken away from them. In that environment contingency meant the amount budgeted time and money we kept up our sleeve for a project rainy day.

I now understand some more of what this word means, and I love that it speaks of things that could happen, but it is unknown if they will ever happen; the probability of them occurring is unknown. My new understand is so beautiful because it means that the life we see around us is the result of contingency. Nothing that has happened necessarily had to happen, but by chance it did, and it is here.

We don't exactly know how unique or special our planet, our species, our individual lives are, but they seem to be pretty remarkable. It is amazing that we are here. That we are aware we are here. And indeed all life is precious and sacred.

May all beings be well. May all beings be happy. May all beings live with ease.

Laundry List Item 15: No one is any stronger or any weaker than anyone else.

It is without doubt true that physically some people are stronger than others, and some people are weaker than others.

What Kopp seems to be hinting at is that on the inside we all have access to the same amount of strength and weakness, because we are all connected, are all made of the same substance, and we are all conscious beings.

This brings out the essence of Metta/Loving Kindness meditation, which reminds us that at our essence all beings want the same thing: to be well, to be happy, to be safe, to be peaceful and at ease. 

Of course there are things that get in the way of this truth, that mean we feel stronger than others, or weaker than others, or make us want things that actually do not make us happy or safe or well.

For me, I find it helpful to remember the equality of our strength of weakness in two key moments:

The first is when I feel weaker than somebody else - diminished in their presence. The truth is, I have as much strength and worth as that person, and I can embody it in that moment because of that truth.

The second is when I feel stronger and dominating somebody else - proud in their presence. The truth is they have as much strength and worth as me, and I can help them to embody that, and I can remember that the weakness I see in them is also in me.

My process of grief

A friend of mine who is also experiencing grief described the process of grieving like this to me:

"...(grief) is a beast and how long it lasts, is a mystery. You can't force yourself out of it, that doesn't work. And you can't hide from it, as it will catch up with you and bite you on the bum in years to come."

I probably looks pretty strange to somebody observing from the outside, but sometimes I am a teary mess unable to do anything, and then the very next day I will feel like I have all the energy of an exploring toddler. 

My approach is to trust my body, that it knows what I need and how best I will heal. When I am sad, I allow myself to be sad. When I am energised, I allow myself to flow with that energy.

I am grateful for those who sit with me in my dichotomy of states, allowing me to be.