I think I am falling in love

I am reading two amazing books at the moment. Sapiens and Dark Matter and the Dinosaurs.  

As I read them something is happening inside me that I don't quite understand. It feels important, like I am about to comprehend something brand new. 

This new thing seems to be about understanding at a deeper level the context within which I live. The context of my planet in space; of my species in the evolution of life; of my context in the grand scheme of time.  

And what seems to be flowing from this understanding is a new sense of purpose, and of love for the life I have, the life that is all around me, and the universe that holds it all in place. 

I have wondered recently if I truely love; if I can love again. Somehow through reading books of science I am becoming more spiritual, more loving.  

Public Speaking

Today I have my first public speaking gig in quite some time. It is something I have been wanting to get back into, and this is a fairly soft introduction as I am part of a panel.

I enjoy being on stage when I feel I have something valuable to say, but I am still so nervous about it.

I wonder where this opportunity will take me.

The bane of keeping time

"Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself." Matsuo Basho

Sometimes I wonder if most of the problems I have with my kids come from trying to get them to do a certain thing at a certain time.

Sometimes I wonder if at certain times I would be better of doing nothing, no work, no action, no word, than doing anything.

It seems that creating an artificial deadline is helpful in getting things done. It is also helpful in stressing people out, and perhaps doing without thinking.

Consistency

Right now, having taken on a full-time job, it is a lot of effort to keep the rest of my activities going. Like the podcast. And even thinking about a social life makes me want to sit down.

I remind myself to be consistent. That starting a new job takes energy, but it is not going to be this energy sapping for long. It also requires the creation of new routines which also require some trial and error before they are optimised, but then they become optimised and easy.

So for this period my priority is to do the basics of looking after myself well: sleep, food, movement, meditation. My other priority is to be consistent in producing the podcast, writing this blog, and of course showing up and producing great work at my new job.

Soon I will have time and space and energy for other things. But right now it is about getting through a slightly more difficult period.

Ready, aim, hold...

The time to hold and the time to fold...or fire.

Sometimes I know the decision that needs to be made, or the action that needs to be taken, but the timing is not right. I get a sense of it in my stomach.

Holding my nerve can be one of the hardest things to do when my head is assessing all the evidence and telling me one thing, but my intuition and gut another.

As I experience this more I trust it more, so that I do not prematurely act. 

Serendipity

I met a guy yesterday who is a mentor in the new organisation I work for. I recognised him as soon as I saw him.

A year ago I had heard him speak, and it turns out I receive his fortnightly email newsletter, which is one of the few I read and love.

I asked him to be a guest on my podcast, and he said my description of the podcast read like his personal motto.

Since starting at this new organisation three weeks ago, linkages like this one are happening every day. Things that I was doing in isolation by myself, that I thought were completely disconnected, are all linking up together.

I don't know where it is going, but I know I am in the right place for this moment.

Remembering names

I have heard all sorts of tricks for remembering names. I think they are good, and I especially use the association technique to help me remember.

For example, if I meet somebody called Emily, I will try to associate them with another Emily that I know, through the way they look or what they are wearing or how I know them.

But this doesn't always work, and I often find myself (like most of us I presume) in an awkward position talking to somebody whom I have met before but can't recall their name. This leads to me avoiding using their name when it would be obvious and polite to do so. Or worse still I avoid talking with them at all because I feel shame that I don't remember.

What I would like to do is scrap this shame and sense of 'should' around remembering names. When I forget somebody's name, I would like to be honest and just apologise and ask them what their name is. 

This might cause a small loss of face for myself, but allow so much more upside in being able to have a genuine conversation with the person.

And if we all did this, there would be no shame, and a lot less avoided conversations.

Idea pollination

Yesterday I met 9 new people. I am spending the week with them as they have joined the organisation I work for, and we are taking them through an induction process.

I was blown away by how many new thoughts and ideas I was pollinated with after spending just a few hours with these people.

It reminded me of the benefits of changing my context on a regular basis, whether it be hanging out with a group of people for a completely different background to mine, or changing the time and way I get to work, or reading a book on a subject I would not normally read. 

Old ideas I have been sitting with for years get new life as left-field ideas come into my consciousness. New possibilities and ventures are born.

Money Supply

Debt: The first 5000 years is a book that changed they way I think about money. It is a bit of a long, tough read, and I confess to not reading all of it. But two things a percolating within me: money is a way of pretending to be exact about something we cannot be exact about: human exchanges of all kinds. Since we have created money for our own purposes, we could design it in such a way to serve all of us, for example by create and giving more of it away, or forgiving crippling debts.

The books talks about the origins of money, and what money actually is. Money did not come out of necessity to replace a barter system that was getting too ungainly. The barter system was not actually practised that widely in human societies - before money communities held a kind of mental ledger and were usually prepared to give something they had to anybody who asked or need it. They knew that soon enough the tables would be turned.

I am trying to think of a pithy take-away, but right now there is not one forthcoming. There is something about understanding that money is a tool, and that it can be created very easily for achieving specific human purposes. There is something else about the guilt we all feel about debt, and how this is also human designed and it is not a moral absolute that everyone pays their debts.

Perhaps in understanding the origins and characteristics of money I can be less attached to it, and allow it to come and go in my life to help me achieve my purposes.

Context of Eons

I am reading a fascinating book at the moment called Dark Matter and the Dinosaurs. It is taken me on a journey through our universe, and I am being blown away by every page.

One of the things that is striking me most is the spans of time it talks about - in particular, how long our species has been on the planet, as compared to how long a species like the dinosaurs survived for.

The author casually makes the remark that it is highly unlikely that our species will survive as long as the dinosaurs did. Which got me thinking, if there are other species that in time will take over ours, what are we actually here for? The idea of legacy seems quite delusional.

What I am starting to think about is that I am here to explore the nature of existence. The time of my species and of me is now. It may be that my species becomes extinct by self-creating means. It may be that another, more conscious, more eco-centre species evolves over the coming millions of years that this planet will exist. A species that would probably shake its head at the way humans handled their time on this planet.

I am a steward of this time and place. I want to do my best to understand myself, my context, and contribute a small piece to helping all beings explore the mystery of where we are.

The stress of mornings

From the moment of my waking up to arriving at my desk: this seems to be the most stressful part of my day. There is so much to fit in, and two little people who just don't seem to get the concept of time or being late.

It has got me thinking about my mornings and how I can make them less stressful. And the answer is simple. Work from home or a cafe those mornings that I also have to get the kids to school. Do not even attempt to get into the office at the same time everybody else is trying to get to the office. Do the opposite of what everybody else is doing.

The answer to my stressful mornings maybe as simple as not trying to meet an arbitrary arrival deadline. I will experiment with this over the next two weeks.

Working hours

In my head I know how ridiculous it is to think that the most important thing about my work is that I am sitting at my desk at certain hours for a certain amount of time. But I am finding it hard to challenge and shake that sense of guilt when I am not at my desk when I feel I am suppose to be there.

It is a legacy of being a consultant for so long, billing the client by the hour and having the feeling of being watched.

I am encouraged by those I work around that they don't have this assumption. They encourage me, implicitly more than explicitly, to where when and where suits me. Results are paramount over location.

Today I tried to do it all...find the fastest way into school, workout in the morning, and get into work before 9. It was a failure on most accounts...but it lead me to this new way of thinking.

So tomorrow morning after dropping my kids at school I will be doing some work from home before heading into the office. I will avoid the peak hour rush. I will be more effective and less stressed when I do work.

When encountering a new culture

I am tempted to offer all sorts of suggestions at my new place of work. Things are different here. There are different assumptions; different constraints; different rituals. My immediate reaction is to want to do things that way I am used to doing them. 

I am parking this urge for the time being. While I will offer a few suggestions, my focus is on asking questions and understanding the way things work here first.

There are a couple of reasons for this. The first is that this organisation is functioning, and functioning well. Therefore any reactive suggestions from me may not actually be that useful. It may be adding unnecessary process, or not aligned with the values of the organisation. I want to understand how and why it works first, and then bring my experience into the picture if I think it could help.

The second reason is that I want to unlearn some of my unhelpful habits and assumptions, and the best way to do this is to observe how somebody else does it.

I think that through this approach both the organisation and I will benefit.

Favourite shape

When I was a kid my favourite shape was a circle. There was a TV show called Play School and during one segment they always started by picking one of three windows. If the circle was not chosen, tears on my behalf would ensue. 

Back working in the CBD and an office this week, it is apparent that the favourite shape of the workplace are the rectangle and square.

Desks, monitors, meeting rooms, offices, partitions, doors, streets, windows, corridors. So may rectangles and squares, everywhere I move and everywhere I look.

I have not done any research about this, but I reckon the shapes we surround ourself with influence the way we interact and out ability to create. Straight lines are easy to build and put together, but I think they limit our ability to think about the connectedness of things, the blurring together of spaces and ideas.

In our natural habitat there is barely a straight line to be seen, let alone a corner. Coast lines, paths winding through forests, tree limbs, even the outline of our own bodies.

I would like to see different shapes brought into the places we move through and pause in. Shapes inspired by the world around us and what is inspiring for us, rather than efficiencies of building and construction.

A simple way to start is to bring the complex and fluid shapes of plants into our indoor environments.

The trick to being on time...

...is to be early.

It's as simple as that.

What a joy it is to be early. It is less stressful. The journey can be enjoyed. When arriving at the destination there is time to read, to stop and think.

And if things go pear-shaped along the way, at worst it probably means arriving a couple of minutes late.

Reflections on work: the first thing we do

When I get to the office I find the first thing I do is to go straight to my computer and fire it up to find out what it is telling me to do.

Why do I do this? Do I not know what I want to do for the day already?

I think I may be more effective if the first thing I do is something I had planned to do the night before, that did not involve a screen. Perhaps reading, or writing, or chatting with somebody. I wonder if I spent the first 15-30 mins of my day doing this whether I would have more ownership over my day.

Reflections on work: the weirdness of being in an office

I am working out of a co-working space with the organisation I have just joined. I love co-working spaces, but coming back into one I have a sense that while they are on the right track, the future of work looks nothing like what they currently look.

What I am imagining looks much more like a forest that an office. An urban forest. There is loads of natural light and plant life. It is weather proofed. It has places for people to meet under trees and on grass.

There is no pressure to be sitting at your desk because there is no desk. It is a beautiful gathering place for ideas to be shared and collaborations to be had, and then for people to go out into the wider world and do the work they need to do.

Coming back to an office for the first time, it just feels odd to be so removed from the outside world, to be in a bland space with sterile air and artificial light. I find myself wanting to just go for purposeless walks and be outside.

Reflections on work

I'm not sure if this will be dry or interesting, but over the next few days I am going to post my reflections on being back in paid employment after 18 months of working for myself.

I want to note what seems weird and strange and different this time round, before I become normalised to all this craziness.

A new mindset for a new job

Today I start a new job. Although it is not my own business and I am working for somebody else, I find myself thinking like an entrepreneur.

This could be due to this business being a relatively new business - a start-up. It could be because this business is about creating tech disruption within government departments for citizen oriented change.

It could be because after a year away from being employed I am able to see this job less as a career move and something I plan to do for the next five years, and more as an amazing challenge to engage in for this moment with unknown and exciting implications for whatever is next.

If I had no clock...

The strange thing about checking the time is that it slows me down. The very act of checking the time takes time. Knowing that I am running late makes me stressed and less effective in doing what I need to do. Knowing that I am running early tends to relax me and slow me down.

However, there is that thing about deadlines and how they tend to make me get stuff done. 

So then, would it be useful to not check my clock at certain times? Like in the morning when we are all rushing to get out the door. Would it be more useful to simply focus on the necessities of what what needs to be done, and let time take care of itself?

An experiment for the next week as I go back to work, and my mornings get doubly crazy.